


Hope Over Anger

by HeidiErickson



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:50:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3600345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeidiErickson/pseuds/HeidiErickson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day after the disastrous incident in the diner, Regina battles against her demons of anger and her son's words of hope. Will she choose to hold on to anger again, or will she rise above the dark pit of despair and live with hope again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope Over Anger

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on what happened after the S3 finale. Mostly just a chuckload of fluff and angst; I hope you cry. I mean, I hope you enjoy!! ;-) <3
> 
> Disclaimer: Okay, look, if I owned OUAT, then a lot of things would be a lot different, okay?? *Sobs.* I do not own Once Upon a Time. All rights belong to ABC, Adam Horowitz, and Edward Kitsis.

Her eyes squeezed tightly shut as her surroundings brightened. She burrowed deeper under the covers, her hands sliding underneath her pillow. She couldn’t quite remember why, but she was not feeling up to facing the day.

“Mom.”

“Hmm?” One eye popped open. “Henry?” Regina croaked, “What are you doing here?”

“Emma told me to stay here overnight, remember?” Her son sat at the edge of the bed and gently took one of her hands from under the pillow. “I made you breakfast.” He smiled cheerfully at her, but his eyes still held sympathy, and concern for her. He let go of her hand and went over to the vanity where a silver tray of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon simmered. There even was mug of hot cocoa with cinnamon.

_Cinnamon. Hot cocoa. Henry. Henry’s mother, Emma. Robin. Roland. Maid Marian!_

The events of last night flooded in like a ferocious waterfall, and all Regina could do was collapse back into the cushions, burying her face in the pillow so Henry wouldn’t see her tears.

“Oh, Mom,” Henry’s voice softened with pleading worry. He left the tray back on the vanity and went over to rub Regina’s shoulder. “Mom, please. I’m so sorry about last night, but I don’t want you to be like this. You’re usually not like this, Mom, _please_. Don’t lose hope.”

Heavy with grief, Regina slowly rose on her right elbow and twisted into a sitting position. Henry pushed up the pillows so she could settle back comfortably, then he brought over the tray of the sumptuous-looking breakfast.

“I’m not really up to eating, Henry,” Regina informed him gently, but picked up a fork and brought a chunk of scrambled eggs to her lips.

“After you left the diner last night, Robin looked worried about you.” Henry sat down on the edge of the bed, facing his mother. “I don’t think he’s going to give up on you so quickly, even though his wife is back.”

 _His wife._ A dagger of anger seared through her. She shot Henry a pained glare, but quickly softened, knowing he was not to blame. And neither was Emma, even though she hated to acknowledge it. Once again, a Charming had caused her heartbreak. “Henry, I really don’t want to hear it right now, okay?” She answered calmly, taking a bite of the pancakes. _Is that apple I taste?_ “Mmm,” she mumbled past satisfied bites, “When did you become an exceptional cook, Henry? I never let you cook before.”

Henry beamed at her and lifted his chin, pleased. “From Emma. The memories you gave us included Emma teaching me to cook some. Back in New York City, I would make breakfast every Sunday morning. This is my specialty, though I usually add chocolate chips in the pancakes instead of apples.”

“Chocolate chips?” Regina raised an eyebrow. “I don’t remember permitting you eat anything with chocolate in the morning.”

Henry shrugged. “You and Emma are a lot different as moms. That’s why I love you both.”

Her insides relaxed as she gradually remembered that though she may have lost another chance at love, she still had her son. And Emma was here to stay, which meant Henry would stay, too.

But even the thought of Emma’s name soured Regina’s stomach. She put down her fork and wiped her mouth with a napkin as she let her eyes drift away to the bright windows before her.

Henry sensed her darkening mood and took her hand in his. _Please don’t turn evil again, Mom._ He implored internally. “Are you…are you angry with Emma, Mom?” He asked hesitantly.

Henry’s voice, her saving grace, brought Regina back out of the darkness. _No. Never again. I am not the Evil Queen anymore._ She squeezed Henry’s hand and shook her head, smiling faintly. “Yes. But I’m not going to do anything about it, Henry. This is her mess, and I do not wish to make it any worse. She was…she was only trying to do the right thing.” Regina found herself struggling to spit out the words while what she really wanted to say, _“I’d like to rip her heart out and let her see how I felt last night.”_

At twelve, Henry was growing more attuned to hidden meanings behind adults’ words and was not easily fooled. But he also easily understood. “Emma does feel really sorry, Mom. She’s not sorry she saved Maid Marian’s life, of course, but she is sorry she hurt you. She even said she thought that maybe you and she actually had a chance at being…friends.”

Eyebrows raised at the last comment, Regina tilted her head contemplatively, “Well, I thought so, too, especially when I head she’d finally decided to stay. Then she had to go and be just like her mother. Never thinking of the consequences.”

“She was saving a life, Mom,” Henry replied quietly, eyes lowered from her. “Who knows what might’ve happened if she hadn’t…she was in your Evil Queen dungeon, and maybe that’d made you responsible for her original death…”

Regina shuddered. He was right. Unfortunately, because Regina had killed so many people in the past, she remembered none of the faces she had executed. Seeing Maid Marian last night had brought upon a feeling of déjà vu, but she had no recollection of when and where she saw the woman before.

_Oh, gods. What has she told Robin about me? Has she told him I had her in my dungeon, waiting to kill her in the following morning? He will not love me anymore after that…_

A chill ran up and down Regina’s spine. She shook it off and composed herself, nodding at Henry with a tight, resigned smile. “You’re right, darling. It is certainly for the best. Roland does need a mother, and I am…” she swallowed past a lump in her throat, “…I _am_ very happy that Robin has been…reunited with his first love.” _While I was forced to kill Daniel when he was returned to me._ She remembered as an afterthought. _Dammit! I need to do something; go to the office or something. I need to take my mind off the pain._

She pushed the tray away from her and scooted over the edge of the bed. “Henry, I need to take a shower and get dressed, and then I am going to the office. I am still the mayor, after all.”

“Wait, Mom,” Henry rose quickly, hands raised with palms upward, “Mom told me I could spend the whole day with you. The week, even. She thought you’d like my company—“

“Emma said that?” Regina questioned, brow furrowed. _Clearly she’s that sorry enough to let me hog our son for a week…perhaps I’m being too harsh with her. …No, not really._ Regina tilted her chin in a superior manner and sneered slightly, “If Ms. Swan really wants to make up her big screw-up to me, she’s going to have to better than that.”

Now slightly exasperated, Henry turned around to watch his mom prance up to her vanity and wrap her satin robe around her. “Okay, like what, Mom? Don’t tell me you’d want her to leave town. Or fall under a sleeping curse—“

“Neither,” Regina shot back, forgetting for a minute that it was her twelve-year-old son she was speaking to, “She can just plant me a new apple tree. That was the first thing she destroyed when she came here two years ago.”

Rolling his eyes, Henry followed Regina, who’d picked up the tray of food, out of her room and down the hallway to the stairs. “Mom”, he begged again, stepping down the stairs after her, “Can’t you please let go of your anger? You remember what it did to you the last time? Please, like you did last time, hold on to _hope_ , instead. _Hope_ , just like my grandparents do, and even Emma does now…”

She slowed slightly, carrying her breakfast tray into the kitchen. Henry’s words were pushing in deeper and deeper with each word. _Anger, not hope…anger, not hope…or hope, not anger?_

After she set down the tray in the sink, she faced a worried Henry at her side. She regarded her son with a contrite look. “You’re right, Henry. I’m sorry.” She placed her hands on her son’s shoulders, briefly awing at how tall he’d grown—she didn’t need to bend down to be face-to-face to him anymore. “I’ll try to hold on to hope this time.” She lightly squeezed his shoulders as Henry smiled back, relief evident in his dark eyes. “It won’t be easy…but it certainly is better than holding on to anger.”

“I know, Mom. But I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” Henry promised and leaned in for a tight embrace. Regina fought back tears as she returned it, finally remembering that though things may not have worked out between her and Robin, Henry, _her_ Henry would always be her true love. She reached up to stroke his soft brown hair, and sighed soft, relaxing for the first time since last night happened.

_It’ll be okay, somehow, sometime._

* * *

 

After a morning of learning how to play video games with Henry, Regina got dressed and headed to her office. Since it was a warm day, she decided to walk there. Henry went over to Ava and Nicholas’ home to visit.

She strolled past the cemetery on the scenic route to her office. Looking right, she observed the few headstones that stood across the plain. Not many were there, and most of them were bodies of the dead which were swept away with the original Curse.

“Papa! I see Regina!”

Gasping, Regina glanced the other way; across the street frolicked little, dimpling Roland Hood, and behind him were his _two_ parents.

Him in his black jacket and green scarf, and Maid Marian with her lustrous brown hair swept back over her shoulders, and she was wearing modern garb, something Emma or Mary Margaret must’ve given her.

Robin flashed a huge smile at his wife, and his bright blue eyes shone with delight. The same gaze he gave Regina yesterday. The same ear-to-ear grin he gave Regina yesterday. Her heart started plummeting at a thousand miles per hour, and air seemed to leave her lungs.

And at that moment, Robin looked across the street when Roland called Regina’s name, and Marian followed his stare. They paused, standing directly opposite Regina. Mouth agape, all Regina could do was stare back.

“Hi, Regina,” Roland waved at her gleefully, oblivious to the painfully awkward situation the adults were in. Maid Marian studied Regina with a less fearful and more slightly piqued, wondering gaze. It seemed that Robin must have explained to her about Regina’s development from the Evil Queen to a reformed Regina Mills.

But it was the look in Robin’s eyes that punched Regina in the stomach. A moment ago, he had been glancing at his wife with indescribable joy, and now his eyes settled on Regina, and they softened into a regretful, longing gaze.

 _He still has feelings for me._ Regina realized in a stunned silence. Before the awkward moment could go on any longer, Regina broke the spell by looking away suddenly and breaking into a brisk walk. She heard Roland ask his papa why Regina didn’t say hi back, and her stomach churned with guilt. She had been so focused on Robin that she hadn’t bothered to say hi to the child. Nervously, she craned her neck to see if Roland was still looking at her. He was—between his parents; he looked back and waved at her again with a dimpled smile that made Regina’s heart melt every time she saw it. She smiled back almost sadly and waved, sending him a promise in her eyes that she still loved him. Then she turned back before Roland’s parents caught her.

She went up a low hill, nearing her destination. A few more blocks to go, and then she would bury herself in tedious paperwork for the rest of the day. Anything to do to get her mind off everything else. She might even stay until midnight.

Her eyes caught a flash of golden. She stopped in her tracks, staring at the Swan girl sitting cross-legged in front of a gravestone.

Anger returned in full force. Behind her were walking  her second chance at happiness and his resurrected first love, while Regina had no one and her first love had to be killed at her own hands moments after his own resurrection.

Last time was Mary Margaret’s fully. This time…it was Emma’s.

 _I’m not going to attack her with fireballs or poisoned apples…just my words._ Regina stuffed her hands in her pockets and stalked up the steep hill, making beeline towards the savior. _Savior of Everything Else and Destroyer of My Life, that’s for sure._

“I don’t know what to do, Neal.”

Emma’s broken voice halted Regina in her furious footsteps. _Is Emma talking to…Neal’s grave?_

“After Neverland and everything else, and when I came back here…then you came back, I had this ridiculous idea that you and I…well, that you and I could restart a family again, with Henry, and…we’d include Regina.”

Regina’s rage evaporated, and while every ounce of her being demanded her to leave Emma in her private moment with Neal’s spirit, she felt beckoned to stay and eavesd— _listen_.

“And then you died.” Emma continued, her voice still cracked with tears bubbling up in her throat. “And I might be with Hook now, but I miss you so much, and after last night, I think I’ve also lost a…a _friend_.” She chuckled shortly, shoulder shrugging in resignation.

“Henry was so hopeful that Regina and I would, for once, get along, and the four of us could be kind of like a…family. We could have Tallahassee right here in Storybrooke with my parents and Regina. And Robin Hood. You should see the way they looked at each other yesterday in the diner. Like a couple of stupid teenagers. And I never saw that match coming from a mile away.”

Regina face grew hot, but not with fury this time. Did we really look like stupid teenagers? She thought, recalling the way she behaved around Robin for the past week. _I don’t think we ever were…_ public _with our affections like the Two Idiots. Did I look at him with some stupid smile on my face or something?_

“…And I ruined it between them, I’m afraid,” Emma’s voice was hoarse with emotion, with guilt. “I was only saving a life. No life is worth leaving behind if they’re threatened. But I never…” she gulped, ducking her head briefly, “…I never _meant_ to hurt her. I want her to be happy, too. Just like I wanted you to be happy, Neal, and now you’re dead, and Regina’s heartbroken again.”

Regina couldn’t stop he tears from coming, either. She closed her eyes as salty drops stained her cheeks, and she bowed her head.

“…And the strangest, and perhaps the most miraculous part of it all is, Neal, that…after Henry, my parents, and you…I care about her the most. I think I’ll always have something special with you, and with Hook, but with Regina…it’s just something deeper between us. It’s like magic. Maybe it’s our magic that we make together. Maybe it’s Henry. Well, I know it’s Henry, for sure. But what I know in my heart is…that we aren’t in the same place we were in when I first came here. And after last night, I’m so scared that we’re right back to where we started.”

Regina’s head rose slowly to look at her. Emma was still completely unaware of her presence, but Regina was completely aware of her words.

Emma was right. They _were_ right back to where they started. Regina still was angry at her. Regina still had loss of trust in her. Regina didn’t even want to be friends at the moment.

But she saw how sorry Emma felt, and that…helped. A warn sensation wormed up in her gut, and Regina had to grudgingly admit that, despite what they’d been through, she felt the same way towards Emma Swan.

And throwing fiery, poisonous words at Emma Swan didn’t seem so satisfying anymore.

_I did terrible things to her and to her family, to Graham, to so many people before…it’s only fair that she does something back to me, even if it’s unintentional. It’s life’s way of making me pay for my transgressions, even though I hate to know that._

Regina knew she’d worked a year to redeem herself, and everyone had seen that. But her past wasn’t ready to let her go, and she had to figure out a way to let it go. One way, though, was to not do what she would’ve done to Emma Swan two years ago.

She would walk away instead.

Regina made her way back down the cemetery, determined to dull the ache inside her with the mountain of paperwork she had in her office.

“Regina?”

Groaning inwardly, Regina turned around reluctantly. “…Emma.” She replied with a tight smile.

The horror-struck blonde’s mouth opened and closed several times, stammering a wordless

 _Hope, not anger. Hope, not anger._ Regina reminded herself as she sent Emma a look of approval. A message that she was not ready to forgive and reconcile…but she would try this time. Then she nodded in farewell, stepping backwards before turning to leave the scene.

_One day, Emma Swan, we just might. But not today._

Today, Regina Mills would simply learn to accept that she couldn’t have everything she wanted.

The dark imp had his beautiful bookworm. The traitorous pirate had the savior. Snow White had her Prince Charming. Henry had his family. Robin Hood had his true beloved, Maid Marian.

And Regina Mills had no one to love her the same way Marian, Snow, Emma, and Belle did…and even if she did, she couldn’t have Robin Hood as long as Maid Marian was his rightful wife.

But if there was something good that Regina’s half-sister Zelena had taught her, then it was that despite it all, Regina’s heart was most resilient.

And if she could survive yesterday and today, the she could survive tomorrow as well.

She only had to hold on to the hope she had blooming in the deepest core of her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note:  
> What did you think? Don’t lose hope for Regina!!! Someday…she’ll get her happy ending. :-)
> 
> Constructive criticism—or anything, really—is VERY welcome. <3
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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